You know you’re old when…
You pinch a nerve in the back of your head. What the hell? I have heard the expression many times, but I definitely had no idea. One minute you are smiling at the new day – the soft gleam coming through the window, thinking about the coffee and all you will accomplish. The next second you are in excruciating pain and totally immobilized. I never did have to spell excruciating before. With a c? Interesting. But not worth this pain at all.
So of course Tom, who as usual has been working since long before I open my eyes, has to chime in with his endless words of support. “How’s it going over there?” he chirps. “You need any help getting up?” Of course not, this will pass. YIKES! “Ah my honey, are you having an I’m getting old moment?” Perfect.
After a few minutes the mental agony of being stationery surpasses any pain my body has to endure and I am vertical, with a little help from my life partner, who props me up. But I cannot turn around. “So I guess jumping back in the sack and making wild passionate love to me is out of the question?” It’s like that little voice in your head, the evil one on your shoulder that keeps taunting you. I can’t even laugh. I turn my whole body around, cannot even move my head a mm. “I guess that answered my question. Huh Huh” When did Beavis take over my bed.
“Take three of my advil.” OK, walk to the bathroom, get the water bottle, slowly, still in pain, CRAP! Can’t get my hand up to my mouth. Three little pills are so far away. I try a few times. It is surreal not to be able to lift my hand up to my mouth. It just stops short a few inches.
“Huh, Huh…Oh…”
Place pills into right hand. Good. I reach. CRAP. Can’t tilt my head back. How did taking advil become such an ordeal?
Just when my elbow was getting over its little four month strike. Tennis elbow I was told. And I have finally found a hair color that is close to the original, after six years of trying. Now this.
Well, at least I still have my health. Do I?