So I was watching Geraldo Rivera’s show this weekend and he had a few guests discussing Sonia Sotomayor’s nomination to the Supreme Court. Rosie Perez was almost in tears speaking about what this meant to her as a Latina, as she explained that this highlights the “Plight of the Puerto Ricans”.
Que?
Did I miss a memo? What the heck plight is she talking about? Is she thinking “I like to leeve in Amereeka?” Were we being persecuted or something?
As far as I am concerned, I can tell you Puerto Rico was a great place to grow up. I have extremely fond memories of island life. The food, the music, the beaches, the parrandas, the people, the scenery and history … did I mention the food … what’s there not to like? Yes there is also crime and hardship, but how is that different than anywhere else?
Puerto Rico is one of the best kept Latin secrets. We are American citizens, have American passports and use American dollars, yet we keep Spanish as our main language, our Puerto Rican beauties get to participate in Miss Universe (five so far and counting!), and we get to send our Puerto Rican athletes to the Olympics carrying our Puerto Rican flag.
Oh, and best of all we get money.
Every social welfare program available to the 50 states we also get; including federal funding for all of our government departments. But best of all, we don’t have to pay federal income taxes and we get to work for cash to keep the programs coming. I want whoever negotiated that deal working for me! Genius!
The best is that America believes Puerto Rico to be something akin to a territory. The official United States given title is the “Commonwealth of Puerto Rico”. However, our Spanish official name is Estado Libre Asociado de Puerto Rico which translates to “Free Associated State of Puerto Rico”! Is that not great? What does that mean exactly? A free associated state? I bet a lot of states are wondering how they can get the same deal right about now!
Please don’t tell Obama, because he would hit the Jackpot if he started wising up about our little colonial deal we’ve got going here… What Latin country would not take it? We could have The Estado Libre Asociado de Mejico, de Colombia, de Panama. The list goes on and on. You get to keep your own identity but live on the dole!
Every couple of years we islanders get our undies in a bundle about the “status quo”. You see, the two big parties here are the “Popular Democratic Party” which likes things just the way they are and are represented by a red guy in a straw hat and the words – Bread, Land and Liberty. The “New Progressive Party”, which wants the island to become the 51st state, features a blue palm tree with the words Statehood, Security, Progress. We do have a third party, the Puerto Rican Independence Party”, but it never gets more than 5% of the vote and it’s treated as negligible.
So every few years we organize an island-wide vote to vote yes or no for statehood.
First of all — AS IF!
Like we really have any say in the matter. It’s always been no — the 10 odd times I remember the vote happening. I mean, really, who would vote for paying federal income taxes, speaking English, having to learn American history in schools, and not being able to see Miss Puerto Rico represented on the world stage? Can we really bear the thought of having Miss Puerto Rico lose to Miss Arkansas in some runoff to the real thing?
But what if we somehow lose our minds and voted yes? “OK Washington, we’re finally ready! We want to join the union.”
Where would we even put star 51 on the flag? Ay bendito, me duele la cabeza…